How Queenie Ruined and Saved Everything
by Roseoline Fox
Summary: experiments with cat fertility result in total chaos for everyone. but maybe that's a good thing? mpreg, yaoi, and neko people.  Zemyx, AkuRoku, AkuDemy, MarLarx, MarVex, XemSai, are the main pairings. rating may change. enjoy the insanity
1. the insanity starts

_A/N: Huzzah, this is my first fic on FF! Makes meh happy… so anyways, I'll keep it short for this note: there will be mpreg, yaoi, crack pairings, strait pairings, neko people, PMS, swearing, and in general lots and lots of smut and crack-ness. All that good stuff._

_Also, I'll say this once and only once; see what site you're on? Yeah, it's FAN Fiction. Meaning that I own nothing, unless I bring my OCs into the picture._

_Much, much love to my beta/ bff / sister / father of my seven children / Axel, for helping me write this!_

_So without further ado, I present to you one of the most messed up kingdom hearts fic ever!_

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><p>"Now, where did I put that…?" Vexen's mutterings trailed off as he searched for Kingdom Hearts-knows-what. "Saix, would you please stop aggravating the text subject? She isn't de-clawed." Too late, the exhausted Luna Diviner was given four stinging slashes on his hand. "Bad kitty."<p>

Queenie, the said test subject, apparently didn't like having blood samples taken, or the Nobody taking them. She expressed this the only way a moody female cat does; by hissing, clawing, yowling, and generally acting like a woman with PMS. Unfortunately for her, such actions landed her in a very interesting position: being babysat by a weary Saix. It really was too bad that he of all the Organization members was the only one awake at this hour other than Vexen. Otherwise, her warden might have been someone with a bit more sympathy.

Glaring at the scientist, Saix restrained the cat in his arms and carried her over to the table so he could at least see what was being done. "Remind me why I'm helping you? And at this hour of night?"

Smirking, the blonde recalled how, in his desperate search for someone to care for the cat until he finished his experiment, he had heard the distinct sound of Shakespeare. Surprisingly enough, it was coming from Number Seven's room. After walking in on Saix, who was in Care-bear pj's quoting Romeo & Juliet to the moon, Vexen did what needed to be done, IN THE NAME OF SCIENCE.

He black-mailed the other Nobody into cat-sitting.

Reminding his temporary slave of this, The Chilly Academic began to very carefully pour some unknown chemical into the tube of feline blood. It was just his luck that Queenie chose that moment to snap at his fingers, causing him to drop the chemical -bottle and all- into the mixture.

With an ear-spitting **BOOM! **It all exploded in Saix's face. Vexen, who had managed to dive out of the way, stood in the sparkly purple cloud that had formed, coughing. Perhaps he was hallucinating, but it felt as though his spine was lengthening, and his scalp stretching.

When it all cleared, Saix was nowhere to be seen. Instead, a bright blue, shaggy, toy-sized dog stood, being attacked by a very pissed Queenie. Reaching to run his fingers though his hair, the scientist touched what felt to be two very large, furry cat ears. Further inspection informed him he also had a golden tail.

Opening his mouth as if to tell Vexen off, Saix made a discovery f his own: he couldn't talk. Instead, an irritable bark came out.

"Well shit" thought Vexen.

***meanwhile, in the bathroom, where most shit goes down***

A certain blonde was searching desperately for her PMS pills. _Stupid men, and their stupid testosterone, and their stupid NEED TO NOT HAVE ANY SIGNS THAT A WOMAN HAS HER PERIOD ANYWHERE IN SIGHT! _She ranted in her mind, tears streaking down her face, partly in frustration, partly in pain. Larxene was SUPPOSED to be getting up early this morning for a mission, but that was easier said than done when you were rudely awoken by cramps that could have made a man spill his guts in interrogation. Being the hard-core chick she was, she merely muttered curse words and stumbled out of bed and into the bathroom to find her lord and savoir: cramp-relieving, mood swing-reducing, painkillers. _Seriously, there should be a church. At least then I'd know where to look for them. And the monks could be the nuns' slaves. Just as she was planning how she would totally build said religion someday, a mysterious purple gas creeped under the door. _

_Suddenly, cramps, annoying superiors, and how to get the finances to build a PMS pill-praising church were not her only worries. _

_After the lightning-wielder saw her reflection in the mirror, she realized two things; one, that stress would soon turn her hair as grey as Mansex's, and two, she was going to kill Vexen._

_Right after she found her meds. _

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><p><em>AN: Tell me what ya guys think! Any responses are welcome, including Flames, as they will be used to fuel my muse, and annoy the haters further! Yay! I'm already working on the next chapter, so it'll hopefully be up soon, if I'm not too busy with finals! _


	2. pffft, wtf is this?

_A/N: Huzzah! Second chapter! Betchya thought I wouldn't update, didn't you? Well, actually I don't think anyone has actually __read__ this yet… since I haven't gotten any favs or reviews…. I'm considering changing the name…? Yes, I write in short chappys. I hope they'll get longer as they go on, these stories seem to write themselves. _

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><p>"Vexen, I believe you have some explaining to do."<p>

Where nothing gathers was strangely quiet as those present shifted in their seats. Sure, experiments had gone wrong before, but it hadn't turned everyone- with the exception of Saix- into cat people.

"Ah, yes, well you see, I was in the middle of experimenting with cat fert- um, cats, when the chemicals sort of… mixed wrong."

The bright blue Scottie dog that was now Saix glared at him in protest, unable to point out that this was all the fault of the scientist's clumsy moment.

"It would _seem_ that the gas from the resulting explosion leaked into the rest of the castle… I would personally suggest a lockdown, for the safety of those who were on missions at the time. I'm still unsure of the side effects…" the blonde's words trailed off, hanging ominously in the air.

"Why is Saix a puppy?" Demyx interrupted.

There was a long, awkward silence as it sank in that the second in command was now a _dog._ "I'm, ah, not sure."

"Well," snapped the Superior, "When will it be safe to allow the rest of the Organization back, and when in Kingdom Heart's name will Saix be… _normal_ again?"

"It would be wise to stay in lockdown until all the gas clears, which should take…, about a week. As far as Saix, I have no idea."

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><p>"I cannot fucking <em>believe <em>this!"

"What's not to believe, Axel?"

"Newsflash Roxas; _we have tails. And Vexen doesn't know the side effects. _Hey, do ya think we could land on our feet if we jumped now?"

The blonde just face-palmed. Axel _would_ think he could jump off the clock tower and survive, now that he was part cat. Him and his damn mood swings.

"OMG, you know what we should totally do! We should find some catnip and mix it in with our sea-salt ice cream!"

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><p>Leaving the meeting, Demyx was strangely happy. "Saix is <em>so<em> much easier to deal with as a puppy!" he gushed.

"As if, now our missions are going to be all screwed up." Xigbar replied.

"_Exactly._ It'll be _so_ easy to slack off!"

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><p><em>AN: oh wow… idk anymore. Review and favs are much loved, and flames will be used to roast marshmallows. But what was Vexen __going__ to say? Ohohoho~ (and don't worry, it gets to the sexy-fun-times soon!)_


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